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Helping Gifted Children Here are the latest comments from our readers. regarding Helping Gifted Children Read read then all and submit your own comments   How Not To Be A Helicopter Parent Saturday Apr 18, 2009 - How Not to Be a Helicopter Parent "Helicopter parents" are a familiar sight at college campuses today. These overinvolved moms and dads swoop down on orientation, help their kids pick courses, then—once the semester starts—are on the cellphone three times a day to find out how their kid is doing. There are as many reasons for this phenomenon as there are parents: Some parents think they're showing that their relationships with their kids are closer than those of the previous generation, others are anxious and want to protect their kids from the disasters that await them at college, and still others just like the technology and want to make full use of it. Whatever the reason, the effects on the child can be harmful. Many college students today, though perhaps more intellectually gifted than ever before, are unable to solve problems on their own and lack the sense of independence of confident adults. And so this week, we've invited visiting blogger Madge Lawrence Treeger, psychotherapist and coauthor (with Karen Levin Coburn) of Letting Go: A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years (fifth edition), to share her 10 best tips on how parents can stay connected with their college kids—without hovering so low that all that's kicked up is dust: 1. Become a coach, not a rescuer. College students usually call their parents for reassurance when things aren't going well but call their friends with the latest exciting news. So when you get those frantic phone calls—and you will—encourage your child to use the appropriate campus resources: Tell your child to go to the health service or career center or to talk to an adviser, dean, counselor, or tutor. 2. Keep the "Parent's Guide" handy. Many colleges hand out a guide for parents at orientation or offer similar materials on their websites. Become familiar with the resources available at your son or daughter's college so that you can be an informed coach. Let your child know that truly independent people aren't afraid to ask for help. 3. Talk about finances in advance. Money is often a taboo subject among family members. You can head off later misunderstandings if you are clear and honest about expectations in advance. Will your child be responsible for all or part of the tuition? For incidental expenses such as CDs, snacks, or movies? For books, computer equipment, and supplies? And talk about how to handle credit responsibly. Credit card companies woo college students with all kinds of incentives. After the free T-shirt is long gone, many students find themselves in a deep hole. 4. When you call or text, ask yourself why. Are you lonely, grieving the loss of your child's daily account of his or her day? Are you anxious about your child's progress? Are you curious about where your child is and what he or she is doing? Is this call or text based on your needs rather than your child's, and can it wait? 5. When you receive a call or text, ask yourself why. Is your child looking to you to offer an immediate solution for a problem? Bored between classes? Unable to tolerate some "downtime" without anxiety? Encourage your child to use a cellphone with discretion, not just to fill in the spaces. And help him or her to be respectful of your work life or activities. 6. Listen, listen, listen. Your child might just want an electronic hug . . . not a solution. 7. Focus on your own interests, talents, needs. Now that your parenting days are winding down, open yourself up to new possibilities . . . work or leisure that engages you. Learn to play the piano; do tai chi; take a course; organize a reading group, an exercise program, or a demonstration for a cause. 8. Be there to kiss the boo-boo. Just as you were there when your toddler fell, so too your college student needs you to give an electronic hug when he or she "falls down" now. An additional bad grade from you when that C or D arrives is not helpful; helping to sort out what went wrong may be. 9. Be an anchor. Though life may be focused on college now—and your child may even refer to school as "home"—he or she still counts on you to be a constant touchstone. College students want their parents to accept all the changes they are making but want everything back home to stay the same. Not possible! So it's important to keep him or her informed about changes at home, whether it's moving a younger sibling into his or her room or, on a more serious note, about illness in the family or the death of a pet. 10. Enjoy your child's successes. Remember the way your child called, "Look at me! " when he or she was an exploring toddler? Well, when telling you about his or her successes now, he or she still wants your attention and to hear your joy. Encourage your child to explore new vistas, academically and nonacademically. Invite him or her to share with you the discovery of new ideas, intellectual passions, new friends and relationships, and out-of-the-classroom experiences. Ask about courses, rather than focusing on grades. And Some Bonus Tips: Never tell your child: "These are the best years of your life! " Who wants to be told, "It's all downhill from here"? Send care packages. Have a sense of humor! Enjoy these years; they pass by so quickly. Your relationship with your child is not over but is changing as he or she takes charge of his or her own life. Source: US News Reply | Permalink   Post Your Tips & Comments on Gifted Child Tips Here! Subject  » Your Name » Your Email » Enter Code»   <<